What are relationship boundaries and why are we taking a look at them? Why do we need them? I think you can boil it down to a simple answer, for safety and sanity.
Having knowledge about the boundaries and developing the ability to set limits is a critical step in growing in addiction recovery. It is also a foundation piece for having healthy and thriving relationships.
I like either of these 2 definitions:
1. A limit or a boundary can be most simply thought of as how far we will go, or let someone come in, to a relationship of some type in our life.
or
2. Boundaries tell us what is not of our business and what is our business.
Perhaps the easiest way to clarify the definition of boundaries is to look at what functions boundaries serve. Let’s look at three major functions of boundaries, and then we will look at different examples. Here are the three major functions of boundaries:
1. They help keep us safe from other people.
If we have healthy boundaries and limits in place they act as a protection against people crossing the line and hurting us. These limits can be emotional, physical, spiritual, or sexual. It means refusing to allow ourselves to be harmed. An example would be not permitting violence in the relationship. We also achieve a degree of separation from the influence of other people. In other words, our thoughts and our emotions can be held onto as our own.
2. They protect other people from us.
Healthy boundaries and limits can prevent us from hurting other people. This is an area where people with codependent tendencies can use some work. We have to set realistic boundaries on our attempts to help and be active in other people’s lives. For a person returning to active use of their drugs or alcohol, a family might set boundaries leading to detaching with love. This protects them from the drama of an active user. These are rules that we have set up for dealing with other people. Again, these can deal with the emotional, physical, relational, and sexual boundaries. An example might be no matter how mad I get, I will never hit a woman.
3. They give us definition. Where do I end and you begin.
Boundaries and limits also define the space between us. They can be a defining line between self and others. People with trouble in this area end up in enmeshed or smothering relationships. There can be a tremendous amount of dependence. An example might be going over the top with being ‘Daddy’s little girl’ or a parent living vicariously through their child.
One of the first challenges in getting help for yourself or a loved one, is knowing where to start. We can help with a free assessment and someone to talk with right now. Click Here For Immediate Help And AnswersLast 3 posts in Addiction Treatment
- About - December 31st, 2008
- Addiction Treatment: Is Spirituality A Vital Part Of Drug Abuse And Alcoholism Treatment? - January 4th, 2009
- Drug Addiction Treatment: Is It Time? - January 8th, 2009
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{ 2 comments… read them below or add one }
I think relationship always needs the space because restrictions can ruins the relation. I think this is really a great post to understand the relationship. Anyways keep it up and keep continue.
HI,
well addiction is such a serious problem and i think it can be become very dangerous thing if it will not be controlled. So i think some times it can be affect your relationship also. I think relationship is the only thing which can be solve this problem through politely and smoothly.