Friendship In Addiction Recovery

I think of two qualities right away when I think of friendship, trust and honesty. Now, in thinking in terms of where active addiction leads us, I can see a conflict.

Isn’t it true that two qualities of an active addict or alcoholic are that they are dishonest and untrustworthy? So why should there be a mystery about losing friends when we are actively using?

If we revisit a familiar theme of addiction being a disease of isolation, then recovery must be about connection. A great way to get started connecting with people is through establishing new friendships with like-minded people.

Let’s see now, where can we find people who understand the unique problems of addiction and being in addiction recovery, trying to rebuild their lives by doing the next right thing, and are bound together in fellowship and friendship? In a flash of stating the blindingly obvious, the answer is in the 12 step programs.

I may be preaching to the choir or you may have not thought enough about the 12 steps to try it out, but you will not find a better place to meet new sober friends.

Who Is A Friend?

A friend is someone who —

• you like, respect, and trust, and who likes, respects and trusts you
• doesn’t always understand you, but accepts and likes you as you are, even as you grow and change
• allows you the space to change, grow, make decisions, and even make mistakes
• listens to you and share with you, both the good times and the bad times
• respects your need for confidentiality so you can tell them anything
• lets you freely express your feelings and emotions without judging, teasing, or criticizing
• gives you good advice when you want and ask for it, assists you in taking action that will help you feel better, and works with you in difficult situations to figure out what to do next
• accepts your self-defined limitations and helps you to remove them
• lets you help them when they need it
• you want to be with, but you aren’t obsessed about being with
• doesn’t ever take advantage of you

A man in a focus group said,

“Friendship is a continuing source of bonding, releasing, and creating in yourself and with the other person. There is an emotional bond.”

A good friend or supporter may or may not be your age or the same sex as you; come from the same educational, cultural, or religious background; or share interests that are similar to yours. Friendships also have different depths; some are closer to the heart, some more superficial-but they’re all useful and good.

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Tagged as: addiction, Addiction Recovery, friendship