Do You Know The Difference Between Shame And Guilt?

Shame and guilt are often spoken of as if they were interchangeable and had identical meanings. That is not the case. The two feelings have very different meanings and are usually generated by two different types of actions.

1.Guilt –
In a nutshell, guilt is a feeling that is generated after being part of an action or behavior that goes against our own moral code. For example, we believe that it’s wrong to steal, but on the way at the grocery store we pocket some candy without paying for it. Afterward, we feel guilty because we believe that stealing is wrong. Well, you should feel guilty; you believe that stealing is wrong, you knew was wrong, and yet you went ahead and did it. You acted against your own code of ethics. Usually guilt serves a purpose of being an internal conscience to prevent us from acting out on harmful actions.

2. Shame –
On the other hand, shame is not feeling that we did a wrong thing; it is a feeling that we are wrong thing. Shame is a learned behavior (consequently it can be unlearned). Somewhere along the line we internalized we’re hopelessly inadequate. We have taken, and internalized the message that we are worthless, do not count, and have little value. Our thoughts and feelings run along the lines of, I’m not good enough, I’m not smart enough, I am bad, ugly, stupid, etc.

Guilt feelings are generated by our beliefs about our actions. Shame is a feeling that is generated by who we believe ourselves to be as a person. Guilt is about a behavior. Shame is about being.

As adults, we tend to look back on our lives and recount all the ups and downs and ins and outs. We sometimes dwell on the ‘could haves, should haves and would haves’. Then of course, there are the mistakes. This could lead to feelings of guilt. Even worse, it may lead to shame.

According to Webster’s Dictionary. Shame is defined as:

1. a painful feeling caused by a sense of guilt, unworthiness, impropriety, etc.

2. Disgrace; humiliation.

You can say that shame is the equivalent to the feeling of condemnation. When your mind dwells on the past incidences that may cause shame, you can bet that depression can occur.

There are many things that can lead up to the feelings of shame, regret and condemnation. Guilt is knowing that you did something wrong. It doesn’t mean that you harbor that feeling. Ultimately, when the feeling of guilt is harbored and unresolved, feelings of shame may engulf you. Guilt is defined as the state or fact that you committed wrongdoing. Guilt is the initial fact and belief that you did something wrong. Shame is a feeling. Like bitterness feels when you harbor that towards others; shame is what you feel towards yourself.

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