It’s too bad, but in many cases, shame comes along with addiction recovery. The question is, why to recovering addicts feel this shame?
The best place to begin here is that if you are feeling shame then there is generally someone else involved. This may be your family, your friends or even the larger society. Basically, we feel shame because we feel like we have let these people down.
We may even feel shame for failing to live up to the expectations we have of ourselves. What is the source of this self image? Some people who have addictions or emotional problems had childhoods which did not meet their needs for approval or affection. These circumstances can foster a lifelong sense of shame which is difficult to shake; this can also lead to addiction.
Someone who is overcome with shame has near constant feelings of inferiority; they may even come to the belief that their entire existence is some sort of tragic, cruel mistake. This kind of shame isolates people, making them feel as if they are unworthy of being loved by others – but everyone else in the world does deserve happiness. It’s a feeling of helplessness.
Shame is also something which can be enormously painful. To try to lessen this pain, many who are set in a pattern of shame will do their best to improve themselves – to become more attractive to others or more worthy of their love. Now, that other party I mentioned before – this can even be this idealized self, which of course no one could live up to, perpetuating the cycle of shame.
Shame is an emotion that many in addiction recovery have to cope with. It can surface during recovery, such as when reflecting on the behavior we engaged in when using.
A growing trend in addiction recovery is to accept that shame is a natural ting to feel during recovery. The important thing is to deal with it and not to leave it unresolved. The way to rid yourself of shame is to come to accept yourself for the fallible human being that you are. We all make mistakes; it’s the ability to forgive ourselves these mistakes that helps us shake off shame and continue on the road to recovery.
